Feeding the fire that is blog November 15, 2006Posted by Woody in Uncategorized.
It was great to be back in the gym last night. It provides a plethora of fuel to feed the fire that is this blog. I was sick over the weekend which pushed the long run back a day in turn cancelling the monday run so I didn’t make it to the gym till last night’s run. I thoroughly enjoyed the run, the comfort level with the pace, distance and most importantly the surroundings. How can I enjoy the surroundings while running on a treadmill amongst the sweat and stench of people I don’t even know. Well, it is very possible dependant on how demented your mind is and how south your sense of humor can run.
Shortly into the run Ms leapswitheverystride starts running on a nearby treadmill. The distance her feet lept off the running surface in combination with the flat footed pounding and flailing arms was enough to cause pain just watching her. Her chiropractor must love her. I could only imagine how out of place her back and hips are with that straight out of hell stride. I found myself concentrating on my feet for the duration of her run as to not be distracted by her. So Here’s to you ms over bouncing treadmill runner gal.
Shortly after she finished her mile she is replaced by ms innocents. A innocent-looking, no make up, square framed glasses blond. I know I know and innocent blond! Yeah right! Ok so back on track. Really she looked innocent enough. Nothing abnormal about her until HE shows up. I first noticed him walk behind her and attempt to get her attention by waving and smiling. At this time I thought by his actions he was trying to get the guy on the other side of her’s attention. Kind of a friend he hasn’t seen in a while hello. Then, as quick as he came by he left. So this guy on the other side of ms innocents finished up his run, she begins her cool down from run to a walk, and like a fat kid on a donut this guy is up on the treadmill to talk to her. I attempted to avoid hearing any of what Cartman really had to say to her. I only felt pity on ms innocents for being polite enough to humor the conversation whilst her body language said “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”. He rounds his arm over his 38 double d’s to pat his stomach and announces “I’ve already lost 6 pounds!” As if 6 pounds of loss is substantial to Jupiter! He inquires if she’d like to ‘work out’ with him. Sure she does dude! She’s got a death-wish and you laying on top of her is going to achieve it! She calmly and quietly says no and that she has to finish her run (big hint here pal she’s cooling down and if she says she has to finish it that means she is not interested in someone that has bigger boobs then her). He leans over to her to whisper. Quiet for a moment while he plays his best James Dean. She states “ha ha you are funny”. Guys you know the statement not the one where she really thinks your funny and cute and your in. But the one that she is saying “dude your a total dork and you should leave before I rip your heart from your chest and eat it in front of you’. Jupiter ask again, “come work out with me”. Pressing the “speed up” button she begins to run again. Sorry, I can’t I have to finish my run”. He politely leaves the area. Now mind you observing this took a great deal of concentration to not bust out laughing or pee myself. I felt a great sense of self-control. So here’s to you ms i’ll find a way to let him down easy gal.
Continuing that self-control (wow I am getting good at this self-control thing….) the next victim er.. ok look this guy.. Just listen…
My final story begins with chief struts-without-teeth, performing what I like to call the tread-stretch. The tread-stretch occurs on the treadmill prior to the run. Now most of us will stretch before and after we run off the treadmill to allow others to use it when we are not. The tread-stretch occurs when individuals what to gather attention to themselves. Usually people who are there to score some tail and not personal achievement or health. So five minutes of tread-stretching his arms. He straddles the treadmill and starts it up. The tread-straddle is another classic technique, used to increase the distance of your exercise without actually having to walk/run on the treadmill. While using the tread-straddle technique he surfs the channels for another five mins. He locates his favorite Jerry Springer ephisode and then and only then begins to walk. Now the treadmill is reflecting almost a quarter of a mile of distance for his workout and he’s just begun. Here comes the tread-strut. This was my first experience witnessing the tread-strut. Chiefy starts to actually strut on the treadmill. He continues this process for another quarter mile prior to working up to an actual run pace. Now again this is where the self-control kicks in, I find myself smiling and doing all I can not to laugh. I notice him glace around his lcd display to look into the mirror and smile. I see this gaping hole that spans the outter limits of space where teeth used to be. He’d make someone a great girlfriend! oh chiefy! If I was a single guy looking to score some chicks I think I’d get some teeth first, THEN go to the gym and tread-strut. The story ends with chief struts-without-teeth begins his cool down (cause really its necessary after you jog 1/2 a mile) he begins the cool down walking-tread-stretch-strut. DING DING DING we have a winner! He’s got the combos down. I haven’t seen a combo like that since I played tony hawlk and threw down the airwalk melon nose grab over the half pipe. So Here’s to you mr everything other then run on the treadmill guy.
Thank you all for providing the fuel to feed the fire that is blog!